Clair Canfield: Making Space for Forgiveness and Grief in Conflict

Learning "how" to forgive and accepting the "gift" of grief

Clair Canfield says his journey as a peacemaker started during his first year of marriage, “when I realized I was terrible at dealing with conflict.” If you’ve ever sat at the feet of this gentle giant and master teacher, trying to envision that will truly stretch your imagination.

Soon after I joined the faculty at Utah State University in 2019, I started hearing rumors about an incredible professor attracting hundreds of students into his classes about how to handle conflict more constructively. Because of COVID and other distractions, it took a little while before Clair and I really interacted much. Once we did, I knew I had found not only a kindred spirit but someone who had a LOT to teach me about dealing with conflict. Because he definitely wasn’t terrible at it.

Clair and I were part of the initial cohort of USU faculty who came together to create the Heravi Peace Institute. (In this rare picture of me with a beard, you can see me and Clair standing next to each other.) Faculty meetings are rarely places where friendships are nurtured, but every time I sat in a room with Clair I left more impressed. It didn’t hurt that out of those hundreds of students he was teaching every year, several of them made their way into my classes or my living room. These students were incredible! Their communication and conflict skills were off the charts, so much more advanced than I was at their age (and arguably am now). To a person, they gave credit to the transformation they experienced in Clair’s classes and in the innovative and impactful “Space Makers” program he developed and has led for several years.

Our new Peace Institute needed new classes, including a new introductory course. I can’t remember if Clair and I volunteered or got volunteered, but in Fall 2023 we got the opportunity to co-teach a brand-spankin’-new class called “Introduction to Peacebuilding and Conflict Transformation.” Finally, I got to see Clair Canfield — the Man, the Myth, the Legend — in action! Honestly, the semester we spent together, with a group of about 20 amazing students who were totally there for it, was one of the best teaching experiences of my life. The experience was so fantastic, I would have done it for free — which I can say now, because I’ve already cashed my paychecks.

At some point, Clair shared with me some of his insights about the role that forgiveness plays in healthy conflict. I had to learn more, so when Jen Thomas and I launched our “Proclaim Peace” podcast, Clair was one of our very first guests.

All of this is to say that Clair is one of the most skilled peacemakers and peace teachers I have worked with. We are so fortunate that he is teaching not one but two workshops at REPAIR.

I love that he is focusing on two topics — forgiveness and grief — which are universal to all of us. We all experience grief as part of our deep conflicts, and we all know that forgiveness is powerful. The tricky thing is: HOW? How do we confront our grief and navigate our way back to wholeness? How do we forgive — or even muster the desire to forgive — when someone has hurt us so badly?

Come spend a few hours with Clair, and you’ll walk out of the room feeling personal healing and with a new set of skills to equip you in your work as a peacemaker

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Workshop 1: Forgiveness: A Pathway to Freedom from Emotional Prison

Saturday, October 25, 8:30am-12:30pm

Description: Forgiveness is a critical concept in many faith traditions. When we talk about forgiving the dehumanization or unjust treatment from others, the focus is often on how we should forgive. This workshop will not focus on if we should forgive, but rather how to forgive if that is a choice we have made. We will explore the process of transforming feelings of bitterness, anger, and hurt into feelings of beneficence. Bring your grudges!

By the end of the workshop participants will:

• Understand the myths surrounding forgiveness and identify what forgiveness is and what it isn’t

• Identify their current barriers to engaging in the forgiveness process

• Understand the process of how to forgive

• Practice the first 2 phases of the forgiveness process
  

Workshop 2: Acquainted with Grief: Finding Our Way Back to Wholeness

Saturday, October 25, 2:00-6:00

Description: Grief is often thought of as a negative emotion and something to be avoided. How grief is navigated is also highly misunderstood and makes it difficult for many to understand how to deal with it, and how to support others who grieve. In this workshop we will uncover the gifts that grief has to offer and practice moving through it in a way that can help us regain a sense of wholeness after the pain of loss.

By the end of the workshop participants will:

• Develop awareness of how they understand and experience grief

• Identify the barriers and challenges they experience in the grieving process

• Practice identifying their grief and how to move through it

• Understand and experience the gifts of grief
  

BIO: Clair Canfield’s journey in peacebuilding started during his first year of marriage when he realized he was terrible at dealing with conflict. As a recovering avoider he has now discovered that conflict has the potential to be beautiful. He is passionate about helping people unlock the gifts of conflict through his work as an educator, consultant, and mediator over the past 24 years. Clair currently teaches at Utah State University and is a founding member of the Heravi Peace Institute.